The UnDutchables - part een

I was browsing through a colleague's book collection yesterday and came across the UnDutchables by Colin White and Laurie Boucke. It's basically a book about what the Dutch people are like and pokes fun at them for the way they are. It's hilarious. Most people tend to read the book when they first visit or move to Holland, but I'm just now getting my hands on a copy for the first time. A friend said to me, "It's too late for you, Diana." Basically, I've already been here long enough to know what the Dutch are like so there's no point to read it. To the contrary, because I've experienced the real thing, I am chuckling at every line I read thinking how true it is (this is a 2006 edition).

In one of the first few pages, it explains that a Dutch person likes to use the word maar, or "but". I recalled a recent conversation with a Dutch friend about an interview he had. I had asked him in e-mail how the interview went and his response was "It went well... but... one of the important things about a job is how you fit into team." Later in the day, we were again discussing the interview, and again he says, "But it is important to fit in the team." (Or something like that.) So I say, "blah blah blah... so you should not worry." He says, "I am not worried." I say, "You mentioned fitting in twice, you must have some concerns." He says, "You asked twice." No, I didn't. I may have asked about the interview twice. I never understood the point he was trying to make. Now I am guessing that he was probably just trying to say that he thinks it went well but may not necessary end in an offer.

Chapter 3 of the book goes into Dutch public transport. On my way to my friend's house yesterday I noticed they were doing some major construction on a major street. They had literally taken the street apart but left the tram lines intact for them to run on. What I realized after reading the book was that Dutch roads are simply bricks on sand and it leads to sinking tram lines, among other problems. They have the engineering skills to build perhaps the greatest dams in the world, but they still can't get the roads right.

Also in this chapter the book tells you how you can fit in amongst the Dutch people. For example, while you are waiting for a bus, tram, metro, or train, you should:

"Form a compact mass with the others who are waiting, and do so soon as the vehicle appears in the distance. When it arrives, block the doors so the exiting passengers cannot leave. Above all, do not move out of the way when the doors open and people attempt to get out, as this might speed things up. After all, you wouldn't want anyhone to get ahead of you in the mob. If, however, you are a passenger waiting to exit, then you have the right to curse the stupid idiots blocking your way."

Dutch people are awful at waiting in lines. It must be why everywhere you go, you see these numbering systems (take a ticket, wait for your number to be called.) Of course, they don't have them on public transports. I was cursing the Dutch as recently as two weeks ago while trying to board a flight. I was just as late getting to the gate as these Dutch people on the same flight. Yet, somehow they all pushed their way to the front of the security lines. Last year, I was standing in line with friends to get in a club but many Dutch youths were hopping the line. So I told them to "get in the back of the line" - and it nearly led to a fist fight.

I'm only a few pages into the book so, to be continued...